"Pastoral counselling is vital and necessary; it can be life-changing; I am sure someone in your church needs to avail themselves of it yesterday. But in the end, pastoral counselling – whether a one-on-one conversation in a coffee shop or a series of conversations in the home or office – isn't about complexity, but work, wisdom, and will." -- Kairos Care, Aaron Perry
The above quote is from the most recent book by Dr Aaron Perry, associate professor of pastoral theology and leadership at Wesley Seminary (through Indiana Wesleyan University), entitled Kairos Care. This book is custom-made for today, as an "all killer / no filler", super-useful handbook to seizing the God-given opportunities that surround us, opportunities to be used in the life change of others. The book is obviously framed as a process for "pastoral counselling". Depending upon your understanding of ordination or what a pastor is, that could mean different things to you. Regardless of whether you consider yourself to be a "pastor", if you consider yourself in the position to be "pastoral", then there's something in this book for you... and y'all, we need more people who view themselves as pastoral.
I have been in so many conversations over the past few months with people who just need someone to talk to, someone with the ability to listen who also has the ability to offer some Christ-centred counsel. Yes, many people in our world right now are in need of professional or even clinical counselling, and we should not ignore or downplay that reality. But for many, the pastoral counsellor is the perfect fit... frankly, I believe it to be the "perfect fit" for more people than our staff "pastors" can accommodate. If I'm right, then that means we need more full-time Christ-followers who are not "professional Christians" to be able to keep their spiritual & physical eyes & ears open for the same opportunities that this book outlines, so that we can all serve where we are. Will there be situations that are above our heads? Absolutely. This will be as true for the average believer as it is for the seasoned pastor (just as it is true for professional counsellors & psychologists). In time, we get quicker at discerning when an issue is more complex than we can deal with. I would posit, though, that many of us are jumping to the "referral" step (where we look to connect the person we're dealing with to someone with a deeper skill set) without much thought as to whether or not we can be part of their solution. It's daunting, I get it, but "bearing one another's burdens" (Galatians 6:2) is an unsustainable practice if it is 100% professionalized.
If a high percentage of us just need someone who will listen (truly listen), then just one of the many mnemonics that Perry provides in his book might prove helpful for us to consider. On pages 32-37, he lists some barriers to our ability to listen with the acronym CHAOS: Chaotic Content, Hurry, Attitude, Offence, and Scarcity. The one that stands out the most to me is the second: "We can't listen in a hurry" (pg 34). This hits me where I live, and I wouldn't be surprised if it strikes you, as well. Whether it's me squelching my kids' mealtime conversations because we have to get out the door, or me giving a smile-nod to an acquaintance at the grocery store rather than stopping to chat (lest I be late for the meeting I have squeezed this shopping trip immediately prior to), my life is far too often structured with nearly zero margin. "Margin is about pace throughout chronological time. Clarity & hurry are enemies; confusion & hurry are friends" (pg 3). It seems to be a lot easier to add things to our schedules than it is to take them away, but you can't plan for when people will need to talk. You can and should be intentional about building in regular touchpoints with people in your lives, and in such a sense, you are more likely to align your schedule with the needs of others. But there will always be unplanned moments, kairos moments, where your story might be aligning with the story of another for an instance of transformation, and if we happen to have margin (temporal margin, emotional margin, and spiritual margin), then God might use that moment exponentially to create ripples of unforeseen kingdom growth.
There's too much need to simply refer everything to the professionals. Maybe today you feel called to allowing God to expand your margin. If that's the case, I recommend Perry's book to you. It's by no means the only option, but it is solid. Also, for a brief audio conversation between the two of us, check out this link to the relevant episode of my podcast.